Sometimes, he wishes happiness was as easy as just seeing Ky smiling into the sunlight, golden blond hair gleaming, cerulean eyes relaxed with a vibrant amused shine in them, as easy as crossing that infinite distance between them (that isn't marred with half a decade of wars fought and monsters not yet buried in the past) with a mere stretch of his hand -
Blinks back to a muddy battlefield, littered with corpses (human, Gear and everything else in between) - the acrid stench of noxious fumes, decaying matter and blood - so dense and toxic, he has a migraine from the smell (even on top of the usual torrent of voices to KILL. BURN. DESTROY.-)
Where he has to make the effort not to snap and claw through fragile thin human flesh and bone - when he reaches out to Ky, half-unconscious, eyes glazed over and body limp, his magical pulse playing weak dissonant chords - held up only by his determined, obstinate grip on the handle of his sword, barely any sparks of lightning and electricity visible along the edge -
Sol grits fanged canines tightly together (had spent about an hour on the other side of the battlefield trying to regain control over the fire and darkness within him - to shift back into human form - hadn't been able to be there next to Ky when he'd been fighting off giant acid-spitting Gears three times his size - )
He wishes happiness was easy - carefree laughter, kisses lost in the breeze - but he thinks he missed that train about two hundred years ago and all he deserves is the absolute soul-crushing relief that floods through and sags his body whenever he finds Ky just still in one piece at the end of the day.